Becoming parents is usually one of the things couples look forward to the most after tying the knot. Some feel the longing for children of their own, and some may feel the baby fever from all those adorable pictures your friends post on Instagram. But raising a child is more than just having cute pictures of your offspring on social media.

A child will affect and change your whole life, including your relationship with your spouse. You’ll need to adapt and learn new things every single day.

In the second episode of Selalu SIGAP, our host Anastasia Praditha talks with Anna Surti Ariani, known as Nina, Chairwoman of the Indonesian Clinical Psychologists Association Jakarta, and Widodo Suhartoyo, Senior Technical and Liaison Advisor Early Childhood Education and Development (ECED) at Tanoto Foundation, about what to prepare in becoming a parent.

This episode covers:

a. How prepared are you
b. The right parenting style for you
c. What to expect

All Bases Covered

“A lot of young couples tend to think that getting married and having a child is charming, because that’s what they see on Instagram,” said Nina. “What they don’t see is the chaotic mess behind those pretty pictures. Reality doesn’t often show up on social media.”

When you’re surrounded with just one part of becoming parents, it can be easy to forget that there are actual preparations you need to do.

According to Nina, these preparations learning about child nutrition and parenting styles, and even thinking about your personal circumstances and whether now is the right time to have kids.

“Sadly, there’s yet to be a formal education in Indonesia on how to be a parent,” said Widodo. “Parenting is the process of how parents interact with their child so he or she can fully develop. But most of the time parents come unprepared and with no purpose.”

Parents can also tend to apply what they learned as children, though the conditions and situations may very well differ. Don’t be discouraged to learn new things as your child’s well-being is what matters.  

Parenting Styles

The environment children grow up in can go a long way into their adulthood, shaping their characters and personalities.

For children to become resilient and agile adults, Nina said that it’s best when parents give clear boundaries.

“Parents can be warm but they are also expected to set rules and motivate their children,” said Nina.

Parents need to communicate and discuss which style they think is right for their own family. One of the most popular categorizations of parenting styles came from Diane Baumrind, who created the following four types in the 1960s.

Authoritarian parents tend to enroll strict rules and expect obedience. Permissive parents, on the other hand, set minimal rules and indulge their children. Uninvolved parenting have limited communications and let a child do whatever he or she wants. The last is authoritative parenting, with parents behaving warmly, supportive and who set out clear rules for their children.  

The last type is thought to be the most beneficial to children, as they can have more self-esteem and higher academic performance.

Learn and Adapt

Becoming parents means learning and adapting as you go through this journey together. Feelings and opinions may differ, conflicts can arise, and both speakers agreed that communication is always key. By communicating openly, hopefully any problem will be met with a solution and the family can go from there.

An opportunity for open and warm communications, Widodo said, can happen when a family dines together. He noted, however, that the activity has been missing from our society lately. “It is the perfect time for a family to converse, from talking about their daily lives to whatever problems they’re facing,” he said.

Nina also said that instead of aiming to be “superdad” or “supermom”, parents should focus on forming a super team. Members can include all the people around the immediate family, such as grandparents, neighbours, relatives and the school, with a mutual agreement on how to raise a child.   

Alongside a super team, Nina suggested making friends with parents of children of similar age, so they can share ideas and give each other support.

As the last note, Widodo stressed that with the exception of nursing, parents should aim to share tasks between them rather than think of them as being gender-specific. “In parenting, there are no decided father or mother roles. There are only parenting roles,” he said.

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“Be confident!”. It might be one of the most common advices we’d receive in our lives. While confidence is undeniably important in how it can help us in achieving our goals, being a confident self might need a few more steps than saying, “I believe in myself”.    

As we grow older and our pool of acquaintances becomes larger, we can also see how other people carry themselves. We can see how some lead their lives with ease and confidence. And more than just being an attractive quality, confidence can help you go far in life.   

In the sixth episode of Jadi TELADAN, our host Ricky Abraham talks with Yosea Kurnianto, University Partnership & Cohort Management Lead of Tanoto Foundation, and Vania Herlambang, the First Runner Up of Miss Indonesia 2018 and Indonesia’s Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) Ambassador, about what it really takes to be confident with yourself.

This episode covers:
a. Acknowledging one’s worth
b. How to cultivate confidence
c. The importance of our surroundings

Looking Inward

The first step to be confident is to fully acknowledge yourself.

“It’s an art of how we understand who we are, how we accept ourselves and most importantly, how we organize all that,” said Yosea.

Knowing your traits, along with what you can and cannot control, can lead to having the proper goals and mindset. This will lead to believing that you can achieve what you’re meant to achieve.

“Being confident is having the courage to unlease yourself at your best,” said Vania. “You might feel insecure and afraid that other people might judge you, but at the end of the day, it’s how you can state this is what I am with all of my potentials,” said Vania. 

Both speakers agreed that knowing oneself, along with learning what you’re capable of, is a life-long process and a neverending journey. It does start with the most crucial step: being aware of what you’re good at.

Improving Confidence

As a human trait, confidence is not a fixed characteristic. It’s bound for ups and downs, but you can always improve from your experiences.

“We can train ourselves to keep learning even though there are failures,” said Yosea. “See them as important learning points. The more we have them, the more solid our confidence gets.” 

Getting in touch with yourself can also train you to spot your unique points. Comparing yourself with others in terms of success and achievements might be a boost to do your best, but always remember to be the finest version of yourself.

 Also, make a mental note of what your dreams are or what you want to attain in life. By doing so, you will start to think of the steps to take.

 “Dreams are nice, but getting into action and doing so with persistence is key,” Yosea added.

External Factors

“When you’re faced with a new situation, just jump in, expect the unexpected and you might unearth unknown potentials,” said Vania.

When you’re put in a foreign surrounding, you’re forced to adapt and step out of your comfort zone. But always believe that you’re there for a reason and remember what you’re capable of.

Being afraid is very natural, but then also go forward.

Yosea also said that feedbacks are crucial in improving one’s confidence. “Find yourself a buddy or a mentor who can guide you through the steps and give you feedbacks. Those will be the fuel for you in the longer run,” he said.

Jadi TELADAN is a casual talk show that discusses various topics about Indonesia’s future leaders. The program is hosted by Tanoto Foundation, an independent family philanthropy organization founded by Sukanto Tanoto and Tinah Bingei Tanoto in 1981.

Get to know more http://bit.ly/JadiPDUbahMasaDepanmu

In recent years, we have started to hear the term Generation Alpha to identify those who were born from 2010 onwards, a demographic cohort succeeding Generation-Z. 

Named after the first letter in the Greek alphabet, Generation Alpha is said to be the first group who will be fully immersed in technology in their entire lives. In fact as many of Generation Alpha’s parents are millennials – themselves digital natives – many of them will have digital footprints before they’re even born.

So what do parents need to know about this radically different group of people?

In the sixth episode of Pojok PINTAR, our host Jerry Arvino sits with Diena Haryana, founder of Yayasan Sejiwa, and millennial parent-slash-podcaster Rizky Adi Nugroho to discuss how to raise this tech-savvy generation. 

This episode covers: 

a. The characteristics of Generation Alpha
b. Millennials’ parenting styles
c. Parenting tips for millennial parents to raise Generation Alpha 

Born since the year 2010 – the year when Instagram was first launched and the beginning of the decade when artificial intelligence went mainstream – Generation Alpha has gotten access to technology since they were little, making them natural at finding information quickly using the internet. 

However, technology also influences their behaviors, resulting in more challenges for parents. 

Millennial parents, such as Rizky, who has two girls aged eight and four, are afraid that heavy use of the internet will create bad impacts on the child’s development and growth. Moreover, some parents are also scared that their children will access negative information on the internet. 

Since parenting is a never-ending journey, millennials parents can do the following to deal with the challenges. 

Accompany your children on the internet

As digital natives, most millennial parents know how to use technological devices. However, not all of them can educate their children about the correct ways of using gadgets. 

Diena said that there are three types of millennial parents, parents with low digital literacy who allow children to access the internet with little or no supervision, tech savvy parents who let children use gadgets without supervision and, lastly, tech savvy parents who accompany their children in their use of the internet. 

Among the three, Diena said that the best parenting-style is those who accompany their children while using the internet. By accompanying your children online, you can educate them about the dos and don’ts of the internet. Diena said that it will help them to navigate the internet better when they are older.  

Moreover, parents will also be able to find out their child’s interests and how they use their gadgets to support them. Lastly, parents can also educate children about internet safety and protect them from numerous online threats. 

Support their interests, with limitations 

Both speakers agreed that persistence is among the characteristics of Generation Alpha.

Rizky shared his older daughter is currently into sketching and will spend hours watching tutorial videos online.

“My daughter knows what she wants and she will pursue it,” he said. 

As a father, he doesn’t want to stop his daughter from learning, but sometimes, he feels worried if she spends too much time on her gadgets.

For this kind of situation, parents can actually allow their children to use the internet to nurture their interests, but with restrictions. 

One of the ways is by limiting screen time. 

Diena suggested parents set a rule and give them a maximum of two hours screen time daily to prevent children from spending too much time online. 

However, it is also important to explain the reasons behind the rules, such as the impact of blue light, to make children understand why parents set this restriction. 

Encourage children to engage in real world activities 

One of the characteristics of Generation Alpha is they are more likely to be dependent on technology. Therefore, it is important for parents to help them engage with real world activities. 

“We don’t want them to feel too comfortable in the digital world … which makes them feel like they don’t need the real world anymore,”said Diena. 

One of the ways to help them is by introducing them to various activities that involve body movement, such as any kind of sports.

Moreover, parents are also suggested to make a comfortable atmosphere in the real world, so children do not always linger in the digital world.

Get to know more http://bit.ly/MenghadapiGenerasiAlfa